


All the Letters that I Have Never Sent

by mistynights



Series: Femslash February 2020 [5]
Category: Agent Carter (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Non-Linear Narrative, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22581625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistynights/pseuds/mistynights
Summary: Angie has a box of secrets
Relationships: Peggy Carter/Angie Martinelli
Series: Femslash February 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1620580
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	All the Letters that I Have Never Sent

**Author's Note:**

> Femslash February day five. Today's prompt was **Note**. I was in an agsty mood when writing this. Oops. But also, yay, I'm posting this on the 5th and not a day later! Finally getting my shit together, it seems.
> 
> Title from Cigarettes by Russian Red

There's a box hidden on the back of Angie's closet, wrapped in between old skirts and dresses. The secrets' box, she used to call it when she was a child, and it was once filled to the brim with little pieces of paper, with little secrets she never wanted anyone to find out about.

***

When she was younger, Angie would take the box out every few months and reread what she'd written, get rid of the things that no longer applied. 

Nowadays, she mostly tries not to think about it. The sight of it always makes her heart crumble like a paper figurine. She should burn the box, burn the memories, the feelings. She's tried to do it before; every time the clothes on top of it slide just enough for her to see a corner, every time she's organizing her things and catches a glimpse, every time she drinks to much and the memories come rushing to her.

But, the thing is, she  _ can't _ . She's tried, time and time again, but she just can't do it. Call her a fool—God knows she's done it more than once—, but she can't fathom parting with everything that the box holds, with everything it means.

So she does her best to not think about it, to not look at it, to not remember. It's worked so far, why shouldn't it keep working until she either dies or moves on, whatever happens first.

***

Before, when the box is still just a silly thing she likes to do, Angie falls in love. That is the first mistake. 

Peggy is everything Angie could ever hope for. She's beautiful and talented and strong and has the kind of smile that would make anyone's knees go weak. The moment she lays eyes on Peggy when she walks into the automat with slow steps, Angie  _ knows _ , without a shadow of a doubt, that there is no way she can resist her.

And then Peggy just keeps coming, keeps talking to her, keeps smiling, and Angie can do nothing but smile back. Peggy has her heart, she knows—they both know—, and there's nothing she can do about it.

***

They've been together for years when Peggy finds the box. She looks amused when she asks Angie about it, and even more so when Angie explains what it is. It becomes a bit of a game between them, the box, the secrets. That is the second mistake.

Peggy looks through the secrets in the box and smiles wide, leaves some of her own whenever she feels particularly amused with life. They are never big things, not really;  _ I like it when you put your hair up, I don't like cake, parties at the office are a bore, I'd like to stay at the house all afternoon instead of working _ .

Angie reads them some times too, but she mostly keeps her childhood traditions. She writes every time she has something to get off her chest, and then gets rid of it when she feels like she's moved past it.

Peggy never gets rid of anything she writes. Angie doesn't comment on it, doesn't really see the point. It's just a silly box and nothing more.

***

Angie bares her heart, lets Peggy look inside without ever expecting the same in return. Peggy is a private person, she understands that. She doesn't need to know her deepest secrets to love her. That is the third mistake.

A distance begins slowly growing between them, so slow, in fact, that Angie doesn't really notice until it's fat too late. Later, she'll see the signs, see the doubts, see the warnings, see everything that would have protected her heart even a bit. But that will only happen until it's all over, and so, her heart is out in the open when Peggy stomps on it.

***

She comes from work one evening to an empty house. That in itself is not weird. Peggy works late more days than not and Angie has learnt to go to sleep on an empty bed and then wake up in the middle of the night when Peggy slides next to her.

What  _ is _ weird is that the box is sitting on the kitchen counter. For a second, Angie thinks that maybe Peggy left it there by mistake after writing something in it. And then she sees the piece of paper taped to the lid.

It reads, in Peggy's neat handwriting,  _ I won't be coming back _ .

***

After, when her tears have dried and every note from the box has burned down, Angie stares at the flames in the chimney. The box is still in her hands, held in a tight grip. She wants it gone too, wants it to become nothing but ashes, but she can't. And she hates herself for that.

***

There's a box hidden in the back of Angie's closet. It used to be filled to the brim with secrets, it used to be her most prized possession.

Nowadays, it's nothing but a reminder of what used to be and can no longer be. Nowadays, it holds nothing but a single piece of paper, wrinkled, half ripped, written after a particularly terrible night;  _ I don't think I'll ever know how to let you go _ .

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr [here](https://misty--nights.tumblr.com/)


End file.
